What kind of birds eat at the deli? Bagels.What do you call a cow with bad manners? Beef jerky.Did you hear about the broken hearing aid? Wait, what?.What did one playing card say to the other? I can’t deal with you.Did you hear about the car with logs for wheels? It wooden go.Why should you eat a clock? It’s too time-consuming.Have you ever been camping? It’s in tents.When is a pool safe for diving? It deep ends.What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.Did you hear about the kidnapping? They woke her up.I’m afraid of elevators, so I take steps to avoid them.Why should you avoid artists? They tend to be sketchy.What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.I try not to tell dad jokes, but when I do, he thinks they’re funny.I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy.I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. How do you know when a computer is on a diet? It quits eating after only one byte.Did you hear about the ski trip? It started off fine but went downhill fast.What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag’s a plus.Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.Why did the elephant leave the circus? It was sick of working for peanuts.Why do barbers make good drivers? They know a lot of short cuts.Why was the math book down in the dumps? It had a lot of problems.I once made a lot of money cleaning up leaves.One says to the other, “Any idea how to drive this thing?” Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t stop collecting magazines? She had issues.Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale? You can buy it with no strings attached.Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.How does a lumberjack know how many trees he’s cut down? He keeps a log.What happened to the archeologist who lost her job? Her career was in ruins.Did you hear about the tree that went into banking? It started its own branch.What do cows do on date night? Go to the moo-vies.Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.Why did the golfer cry? He was going through a rough patch.I used to have an addiction to the hokey pokey, but then I turned it around.A bossy man walked into a bar, then ordered everyone a round.What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall. What’s a zebra? A few sizes bigger than an A.How do you make a squid laugh? Give it ten-tickles.Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It had a bad fall.What’s the best way to make an egg roll? Push it.Why shouldn’t you trust jungle animals? They’re always lion.One did the T-rex say to the velociraptor? Nothing, they’re extinct.What did the hamburgers name their new baby? Patty.When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.Why are astronauts so clean? They take meteor showers.What did one eye say to the other? Between us, something smells.Why don’t people play more hide-and-seek? Because good players are hard to find.I used to be afraid of painting, but eventually I brushed it off.Did you hear about the soap-stealing robber? He decided to come clean.How much do dead batteries cost? There should be no charge.Why did the owl quit its job? It didn’t give a hoot.Why did the sauna go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling so hot.What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.What kind of witch goes to the beach? A sandwich.What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.What’s the best way to plan a party in space? You planet.What’s the pirate’s favorite letter? The “C.”.How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.What do pigs use in the shower? Hogwash.How do you hire a horse? Put it on a ladder.How do pigs do their homework? With a pigpen.How does the ocean say hello? It waves.What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you.Now, scroll on for all the short jokes you'll ever need to tickle everyone's funny bone - including your own. If the family's sitting around the table for Sunday night dinner, go with something sure to go over well with the kids and adults in attendance like "What did the hamburgers name their baby?" We'd tell you the answer, but don't want to give all the good ones away just yet.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |